


The Legend of the Lost City of Atlantis

by bitter_crimson (Krim)



Series: Florida Vacation Kidfic AU [1]
Category: Legends of the Hidden Temple (TV), Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-11
Updated: 2007-06-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 13:59:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10595451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krim/pseuds/bitter_crimson
Summary: They're kid contestants on Legends of the Hidden Temple





	

John Sheppard, 13, is waiting backstage at Nickelodeon Studios in Orlando, Florida, decked out in a plastic helmet, a cheap t-shirt, elbow, knee, and wrist pads, and a cheap plastic mouth guard. He's more than a little irritated -- it's the rare family vacation, and instead of going to Cedar Point or Busch Gardens as he'd begged and pleaded, his parents have taken him to Disney World and Universal Studios. Not that Space Mountain isn't okay and all, but come on, he's _thirteen years old._ The last thing he wants to do is take part in some cheesy kids' game show his mother signed him up for.

All the other kids in the small room are split into pairs, decked out in the same gaudy color-coded uniform John sports: two each in purple, red, blue, green and silver. John is the only one wearing orange.

And then, the door opens to reveal a couple of suits arguing animatedly, and yet another kid dressed in the geeky game-show getup. Despite the fact that all of them are dressed fairly identically, John takes one look at the slightly-pudgy boy and thinks: _Nerd_. The kid scans the room, and then -- _Oh, great_ \-- makes a beeline directly over to John.

"Hi," he says bluntly. "I'm Rodney."

"Hey," John returns the greeting easily, "John." There's an awkward pause; something's bothering John, but he can't put his finger on it. Then, it comes to him: "Why are you wearing an orange t-shirt?"

Rodney scowls and raises an eyebrow, and John slightly revises his initial assessment of the other kid: nerdy _and_ haughty. "What other color t-shirt would I be wearing? I'm on the Orange Iguanas!"

Holding up his hands in an attempt to restore peace, John points out, "Right, but _I'm_ on the orange team."

"No, really? Why _else_ do you think I'd possibly be talking to someone with _your_ kind of hair." Rodney rolls his eyes and extracts what appears to be a power bar from somewhere in his jeans, continuing to speak as he eats it. "Great, I'm _obviously_ going to have to completely carry us through the Steps of Knowledge."

"Hey!" John protests, fiddling with his helmet strap. "You can't even _see_ my hair with this thing on my head."

"Oh, _believe me_ , I can see more than enough."

"There's no need to be an asshole," John pouts (in a manly way), starting to get a little peeved, which Rodney responds to by launching into a fairly lengthy speech (bits of power bar flying from his mouth) about why this situation is _exactly_ the kind that calls for assholery, when--

"...and of course, there must be something wrong with you if they decided to put you in a girl's spot instead of--"

"Now, hold on!" John snaps his fingers and points directly at Rodney's face. "That's it! All the other teams have one boy and one girl. Why'd they give me you instead?"

" _Excuse_ me?" Glaring, Rodney bats John's finger away and plants his hands on his hips. "Were you even listening to me? _You're_ the one who's supposed to be a girl."

Once more sweeping his eyes over the shorter kid from head-to-toe, John smirks. "Oh, I think not." Rodney narrows his eyes even more -- _Is that physically possible?_ John thinks to himself -- and opens his mouth to retort when a flustered aide bursts into the room, speaking frantically into a headset microphone.

"All right, kids, let's go! Are you excited? Great!" He gestures animatedly at the door as the other teens start to file out.

John, for his part, ignores whatever Rodney is still saying behind him and vows that somehow he will make his parents pay for this.

The aide leads them into a large room and John quickly discerns that the theme of this show is "faux-Mesoamerican-chic" (his father was stationed in El Salvador once, for a few months). The teams are directed to a large swimming pool covered with some kind of fog. Rodney appears to be pointedly ignoring him, so John stands awkwardly and further inspects his surroundings. He doesn't see his parents in the cheap bleachers half-filled with spectators, though that doesn't surprise him. He'd been pretty sure this whole game show was just a plot to get rid of him for a few hours, anyway.

John pushes the thought down, distracting himself by scanning more of the room. The fake giant talking stone head is more than a little disturbing.

And then, it speaks, or rather, booms: "LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!"

Momentarily forgetting their enmity, John nudges Rodney with his elbow, leaning in and whispering, "Hey, is there a reason for that giant talking styrofoam head-thing?"

"Oh my god, do you even _watch_ this show?" Rodney squawks back, but the corner of his lip twitches upward and John notices that he doesn't shift away from where their sides are lightly touching.

Relieved by the apparent truce, John decides appealing to Rodney's ego is a good course of action. "Nah, I'd never even heard of it. My mom signed me up or something. Mind explaining how it works, since you're such a fan?"

"Shhh, shhh!" Rodney flaps an arm in John's general direction, and John frowns -- Rodney's ignoring him again. "Shut up, they're explaining the moat."

And indeed, it appears they are. Or, the giant head is, anyway. John listens with about half his attention and keeps the other half focused on Rodney, who appears to be concentrating very hard: his forehead slightly creased and his small white teeth biting into his bottom lip. Rodney turns to glance at him when the head nears the end of its explanation, and alarm lights up in his eyes as he realizes John has been staring at him.

"Hey!" he hisses. "Were you even _listening_? We--"

"Relax, Rodney," John drawls, slipping his mouth guard onto his teeth. "We're starting."

Rodney swings his head back around wildly just in time to hear the other announcer (the human one -- Kirk something?) shout, "On your marks, get set, go!" into his microphone, and John launches himself at the rope stretched across the moat in front of him.

It's harder than he expected, pulling himself across the moat with his legs dangling in the water, some kind of fake fog floating on the surface. Still, he manages to make it across before any of the other kids, and decides that hey, turns out all those pull-ups his dad forces him to do _are_ good for something. John wraps the end of the loose bottom rope around his forearm and braces his feet against the wooden post, trying to hold the rope as tautly as possible so Rodney can make it across.

Rodney doesn't fare quite as well as John had. On his first attempt at crossing the moat he falls in about one-third of the way across, and has to return soaked to the other side to start again. Out of the corner of his eye, John notices that the silver team has made it across and hit their gong, and a bit of panic seizes him. He can barely hear the roar of the crowd and that Kirk-guy's running commentary over his heart pounding in his ears, and _finally_ , Rodney makes it across, sticking out his hand to help pull John to his feet as they both throw themselves at the gong, John smacking the button on top with his sweaty, open palm.

They both collapse a little onto the sides of the gong, breathing heavily, but it feels _great_ and when John grins excitedly at Rodney the other teen laughs (though it sounds more like wheezing) and smiles right back.

As they stand there, catching their breath, Kirk strides over and claps the boy on the silver team (a huge, somewhat-scary looking kid with dreadlocks) on the back. "Great job, Silver Snakes! Nice teamwork! And going on to the Steps of Knowledge are the Silver Snakes! The Orange Iguanas! The Green Monkeys! And the Blue Barracudas!"

John turns and glances back at Rodney again, who is still soaking wet and breathing a bit heavily, but whose face shines with child-like excitement anyway. Though John's own breathing has since evened out, his heart still feels like it's pounding in his throat.

"So, what's next?"

"Steps of Knowledge," Rodney responds, smirking. "Don't worry, I'll answer all the questions."

Lips sliding into a pout, John is about to snipe back when one of the aides moves to herd them toward the next area. The Steps of Knowledge are pretty much what their name implies, and John's a little disappointed that this round of the game show doesn't seem like it'll involve any physical activity. Still, despite what Rodney might think, John is _not_ stupid, and he vows to disprove the other boy's assumptions during this Steps of Knowledge thing, whatever it is.

"As the quest continues," Kirk says, standing behind one of the Green Monkeys with his hand on her shoulder, "it's now time for Olmec to tell us about the Legend of the Magical Spear of Mneseus. Teams, pay attention, because your knowledge of the legend can bring you _that much closer_ to Olmec's Temple."

This is apparently the fake stone head's cue to talk again.

"AROUND THE YEAR 1200 B.C., THE CITY OF ATHENS WAS A POWERFUL CENTER OF THE MYCENAEAN CIVILIZATION. HOWEVER, THERE WAS ONE CITY THAT RIVALED IT IN MAJESTY AND STRENGTH: THE FABLED ISLAND STATE OF ATLANTIS. LEGEND HAS IT THAT ONE DAY, ATLAS, THE RULER OF ATLANTIS, GREW ENVIOUS OF ATHENS AND SENT HIS BROTHERS MNESEUS AND AUTOCHTHON TO DESTROY IT. AFTER SUCCESSFULLY SACKING SEVERAL OTHER CITIES, THE BROTHERS WERE POISED TO INVADE ATHENS ITSELF. HOWEVER, AUTOCHTHON HAD HIS DOUBTS:

"'Let us return home, brother!' HE CRIED. 'The Athenians are much more capable than the other forces we have faced, and there is sure to be a great degree of bloodshed!'

"'Nonsense!' MNESEUS REPLIED. 'Would you have Atlantis be the laughing-stock of the whole world? We must show the Athenians that we are superior!'

"'How do you intend to do that?' AUTOCHTHON WHINED.

"'We will appeal to the gods!' MNESEUS SAID.

"AND SO THE BROTHERS MADE A SACRIFICE TO THEIR PATRON GOD, POSEIDON, WHO PROVIDED MNESEUS WITH A MAGICAL SPEAR. THE TIP OF THE SPEAR WAS SAID TO BE SO HOT THAT IT HAD TO BE KEPT POINT-DOWN IN A BARREL OF WATER TO KEEP IT FROM LIGHTING ITS SURROUNDINGS ON FIRE. THE SPEAR ALSO CONSTANTLY DRIPPED BLOOD, AND IT WAS SAID THAT WHOEVER WIELDED IT IN BATTLE WOULD SURELY EMERGE THE VICTOR.

"'However,' POSEIDON WARNED MNESEUS, 'you must drown one horse for me each day you carry the spear into battle, or it will turn on you and take my revenge.'

"'Yes, yes,' SAID MNESEUS, WAVING THE GOD OFF. 'Fire, blood, horses, yadda yadda yadda. We got it.'

"THE BROTHERS BEGAN THEIR ATTACK ON ATHENS, WITH MNESEUS CARRYING THE MAGICAL SPEAR INTO BATTLE AND EMERGING VICTORIOUS EACH TIME. FINALLY, THE ATLANTEANS WERE READY TO STAGE THEIR FINAL ASSAULT ON THE CITY WALLS WHEN MNESEUS APPROACHED AUTOCHTHON:

"'Listen,' HE SAID, 'I know we've been doing the whole horse-drowning thing, but we're starting to run low on horses and we're going to need everything we've got for the siege tomorrow, so let's skip the sacrifice this once, shall we?'

"'But brother--'

"'No buts!' INTERRUPTED MNESEUS HAUGHTILY. 'What Poseidon doesn't know won't hurt him.'

"THE NEXT MORNING, THE BROTHERS AWOKE TO FIND THAT THE MAGICAL SPEAR HAD SOMEHOW FALLEN OUT OF ITS BARREL AND HAD LIT THEIR TENT ON FIRE. THE FIRE QUICKLY SPREAD TO THE REST OF THE ATLANTEAN CAMP AND THE SURVIVORS RETREATED, ASHAMED BY THEIR DEFEAT. THE CITY OF ATLANTIS WAS NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN AND SOME SAY THAT POSEIDON STRANDED IT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN FLOOR TO PUNISH THE ATLANTEANS FOR THEIR INSOLENCE.

"THE MAGICAL SPEAR OF MNESEUS WAS BELIEVED LOST IN THE CAMP FIRE, BURIED IN THE RUBBLE, BUT OVER THE MILLENIA IT HAS FOUND ITS WAY TO THE TEMPLE. YOUR GOAL IS TO FIND THE MAGICAL SPEAR OF MNESEUS AND BRING IT BACK HERE!"

"Thank you, Olmec!" the host beams. "Now, tell us, where is the Magical Spear of Mneseus?"

"THE MAGICAL SPEAR OF MNESEUS," the head responds, "CAN BE FOUND IN THE ROOM OF THE ANCIENT WARRIORS."

"Uh," whispers John into Rodney's ear, "is any of this even _remotely_ historically accurate?"

When Rodney turns his head it puts them almost face-to-face, their helmets bumping each other. Rodney smirks slightly, looking pleased at John's comment. "Of course not," he whispers back, "but that's the whole point."

"All right, teams," says Kirk, "you guys are standing on the Steps of Knowledge. In a minute, Olmec's gonna ask you a question. If you think you know the answer, stomp down on the ancient marking in front of you. If you're right, you're gonna move down to the next level. But if you're wrong or you run out of time, I'm gonna give the other teams a chance to answer."

"Sounds easy enough," John says, bumping Rodney's arm. They smile at each other, and John thinks, _Ha, we are totally going to win this._

Kirk goes on, finishing his spiel. "The first two teams to make it the bottom level will be one step closer to the bottom level. Olmec, your first question."

"WAS THE CITY OF ATLANTIS ON AN--"

Rodney stomps viciously on the floor-marking.

"Orange Iguanas?" inquires Kirk.

"Island," exclaims Rodney haughtily, like he's offended by the simplicity of the question.

"THAT IS CORRECT," Olmec says, and Rodney turns to smirk at John as they both take a step down.

"Great job, Orange Iguanas! You're one step closer to Olmec's Temple! Olmec, your next question?"

"WERE MNESEUS AND AUTOCHTHON: FRIEN--"

John and Rodney both move to stomp again, but the girl on the Silver Snakes beats them to it. Rodney turns to glare at her but is a little cowed by her partner, the giant with the dreadlocks. John doesn't glare, but he does force himself not to break eye contact when the giant engages him in a staring contest. He's never been one to back down from a challenge, and some part of him feels like he's duty-bound to defend Rodney's honor (and where had _that_ come from?).

"They were brothers," the girl answers serenely, head held high and hands clasped loosely in front of her. Somehow, John realizes enviously, out of all of them she's the only one who manages to make their outfit they're wearing _not_ look ridiculous. Instead, she seems almost regal.

"THAT IS CORRECT." The Silver Snakes move down a step.

John gets the next question right ("WHAT DRIPPED FROM THE MAGICAL SPEAR'S TIP?") and one of the Green Monkeys scores the next one ("WHICH GOD GAVE MNESEUS HIS MAGICAL SPEAR?") Rodney is bouncing irritably on the balls of his feet at this point; they're one step away from the bottom with two groups one step behind them.

When Olmec booms out the next question, "WHO WAS THE KIN--" John stomps down as quickly as he can.

Immediately, Rodney shouts "Atlas!" which Olmec declares correct. They move down to the final step and John doesn't even hear what the host is saying as Rodney lets out a whoop of joy and engulfs him in a hug. Their hands linger on each other as they separate, once more grinning stupidly. "We make a good team," Rodney says, and John thinks he feels his smile stretch even wider.

The Silver Snakes get the next two questions right ("WHAT SACRIFICE DID POSEIDON DEMAND FROM THE ATLANTEANS?" and "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ATLANTEAN WAR-CAMP?") and end up standing on the step next to Rodney and John's. They don't hug, but the girl gives the dreadlock-kid a high-five, which he seems surprised by, then responds to by baring his teeth (John can't really tell if it's a smile or some kind of threat, but either way, it's scary) and smacking her heartily on the back. She stumbles a little but manages to maintain her balance, gracing him with a Mona-Lisa-esque smile of her own.

"All right!" Kirk exclaims, bounding up to stand next to them on the steps, "We've got our two teams! The Orange Iguanas and the Silver Snakes will be going to the Temple Games! The Blue Barracudas and Green Monkeys didn't make it, but we've got a great prize for them, and here's what it is!"

An advert pipes in over the speakers: "Look at the entertaining fun you'll have when you strap on MOON SHOES! Super-excitement is yours when you bounce higher than _ever!_ Don't leave Earth without MOON SHOES, by Hart."

"Moon shoes?" John manages to Rodney over the din. "Really?"

"Oh, come on," Rodney shouts back. "Don't tell me you didn't always want those when you were younger."

John attempts to keep a straight face, cocking his head and raising an eyebrow, but Rodney rolls his eyes in a highly exaggerated fashion and John loses it, snickering, "Well, yeah, okay."

The host materializes behind Rodney, who glares at the arm suddenly slung around his shoulders. John feels absurdly fond of his teammate, considering he's known him for such a short period of time.

Kirk takes the hint after a moment and pulls subtly away from Rodney, starting to move toward the Silver Snakes giant (who towers over him) before changing his mind and opting to stand awkwardly between the two teams. He quickly regains his footing: "Uh, these two teams will be playing for the right to enter Olmec's Temple! And they'll do it right after this!" He pumps his fist in the air.

"So, what now?" John asks Rodney.

"Commercial break. Then we compete in the Temple Games."

During the break, the host (turns out his full name is _Kirk Fogg_ ) interviews each of them. The giant with the dreadlocks is named Ron (which John definitely does _not_ snicker at, since he suspects it might get him killed) and his partner's name is Tessa. Some aides come over to explain the various Temple Games to them, and John smirks when it's revealed that Rodney will be competing with Tessa, while he'll be going up against Ron.

"Oh, shut up," says Rodney, though he's fighting back a smile and there's no real heat in his words. "It doesn't _mean_ anything. Sure, the one-person games are generally segregated by sex, but it's not a hard and fast rule. There've been mixed boy-girl face-offs before. You're still obviously the girl."

"That's okay," John replies in a low voice only Rodney can hear. "I don't think I mind being the girl that much." To his great satisfaction, Rodney chokes and starts coughing loudly as his face turns a brilliant shade of red. John slaps his back helpfully, then lets his hand linger longer than is necessary, and Rodney seems to go a little cross-eyed.

"Um, well," he stammers when he finally regains his composure. "That's, uh, I mean, well, that's good, or, rather, I, you should know--"

"Okay, teams!" Kirk interrupts enthusiastically, and Rodney clamps his jaw shut. John really hates this guy right now. "We're about to start filming again! Get ready!"

The head talks some more and then the cameras are rolling, apparently, because Kirk continues: " Welcome back to Legends! Now the glory goes to the strongest and the fastest. But before we start the temple games, let's get to know our teams a little better!" He puts his hand on Tessa's shoulder; she seems to permit it. "First, on the Silver Snakes, we've got Tessa! She enjoys working in her garden and, um, stick-fighting! She hopes to someday be a diplomat." Moving over to Ron, Kirk starts to extend his hand again and then drops it mid-air. "And this is, uh, Ron! He likes paintball and reggae music and wants to be a professional runner."

"And then, on the Orange Iguanas," Kirk shifts over toward John and Rodney, "we have Rodney, who likes astrophysics and Mersenne primes and plans to win a Nobel Prize some day, and John, who enjoys roller coasters and football and wants to fly jets."

"All right," he continues, the introductions finished, "why don't you guys run over and get ready for temple games one and two, and I'll tell you what happens here."

John and Rodney part ways, each going off to their own area of the Temple Games, but John keeps sneaking glances over at the other boy and notices him doing the same, though Rodney blushes madly each time he's caught. John produces a small, tentative smile. The next time their eyes meet Rodney hesitates before returning it with a shy one of his own, and John's pulse skips a beat.

And then the first Temple Game (Rodney's) starts.

It's some kind of memory task: Rodney and Tessa are equipped with rain coats, goggles and rubber stoppers, and have to plug a bunch of holes in a particular order. If they get one wrong, they're squirted with water. For each one they get correct, they win a point. The game goes on for sixty seconds and both John and Ron cheer for their respective teammates, but in the end, it's a tie.

"Each team gets a half-pendant of life!" Kirk gushes.

John mentally steels himself: now it's his turn. He and Ron are on a sort of tennis court divided down the middle, with a bunch of cardboard figures standing behind them and two large styrofoam boulders in the middle. The goal, Olmec explains, is to knock over all of the other player's cardboard figures.

The game is harder than it looks. Ron is extremely fast and has a great deal more body mass than John does, so he's able to get his boulders moving a lot quicker. John tries his best to block and manages to knock down a couple of his opponent's targets, but it doesn't matter.

"The Orange Iguanas got one, two of their opponent's soldiers, but the Silver Snakes got one, two, three, _four!_ " the host announces. "So the Silver Snakes get the half-pendant of life! That gives the Silver Snakes one pendant and the Orange Iguanas one-half pendant. The next game's worth a full pendant, though, so they have a chance to catch up!"

"Don't worry," John says resolutely when they reconvene for the final game. "We're going to win this."

Rodney smirks. "Oh, I know. This game is all about teamwork."

They're strapped into their harnesses on opposite sides of a wall, and Olmec explains the game to the viewers: One player runs forward and grabs a styrofoam spear from a bin, then tosses if over the top of the wall to the other player who catches it and deposits it in another bin. The catch is that both players are tethered to each other through a hole in the wall, so that when one runs forward, the other is pulled back, and vice-versa.

The Orange Iguanas win by a landslide, even though Rodney fumbles a few of the spears. Ron is terrible at timing his motions to Tessa's and keeps running forward when she's trying to catch. After they're all detached from their harnesses, she glares at him, the first time John's seen her lose her eerie calm while on the show. Ron, surprisingly, tucks his chin in and looks sheepish, but he doesn't seem too broken up about it.

"All Right!" Kirk says. "Since the Orange Iguanas won this one, that gives them another pendant of life! That puts the Silver Snakes at one pendant and the Orange Iguanas at one-and-a-half, so it looks like the Orange Iguanas are going to the Temple! The Silver Snakes did a nice job, too. We've got a great gift for them, and here's what it is."

Another advert comes in over the speakers (some kind of shoes) but neither Rodney nor John are paying attention, opting instead to grin like fools and jump up and down, high-fiving and hugging each other. John feels a sudden burst of ironic affection for his mother: even though she'd obviously signed him up for this to get rid of him for the day, he's having a blast despite himself. _And,_ he thinks as he and Rodney touch each other a bit more shyly as the euphoria wears off, _the company certainly doesn't hurt._ For some reason he's always a hard time making new friends, which is made more difficult by his father constantly moving them around. Yet, even though he's not consciously thinking of it in those terms, John feels some kind of real connection with the other teen.

Kirk loosely wraps an arm around the two of them as he speaks into the microphone clutched in his other hand. "We're gonna see if the Orange Iguanas can make it through Olmec's Temple and retrieve the Magical Spear of Mneseus right after this!" Cue the cameras panning away once again.

"The temple, huh?" echoes John as he and Rodney subtly shrug off Kirk's arm.

"I can't believe it," Rodney chatters excitedly. "I mean, I knew I _deserved_ to go to the Temple but I didn't think I would _actually_ make it, you know?"

"We're just that good a team, huh?" John remarks, and Rodney beams at him.

"Okay, boys," says Kirk, "Time to get you prepped for Olmec's Temple. Are you familiar with the basic rules?"

Rodney is, but John isn't, so they spend a long time going through each of the rooms and how the whole thing functions. John gets a little hung-up on the concept of Temple Guards ("But can't we just, you know, outrun them or push them over and move on?") but most of the rooms seem pretty straight-forward. There's a physical task or puzzle that must be completed to open the door to the next room, and some rooms have multiple doors, but only one might open at a time.

"Got it?" asks the aide giving him the run-through.

"Piece of cake," drawls John.

"Okay," Rodney instructs him as they wait outside the Temple Gates, "what you have to remember is that it's all about speed. And not fumbling the puzzles, which, really, is also speed. If you get stuck on something or keep trying to open the wrong door in a room it could cost you upwards of thirty seconds, and we only get three minutes total to get in, grab the treasure, and get out. Oh," he adds as an afterthought, "and don't go in the ledges. People always get stuck in there."

"Don't worry," John says. "I'm fast."

Rodney barks out a happy, surprised laugh. "Yeah," he says, ears pink, "I'm beginning to get that idea." He pauses, but seems like he wants to say something else, so John stays silent and waits. "So," Rodney continues, and now the rest of his face is turning red once again, "I, uh. You're here on vacation with your family, I take it?"

"Yeah." John flips his plastic mouth guard around in his hand. "Disney World and Universal Studios."

"Cool, I mean, uh, me too. Are you going to be here a while longer? In Orlando, that is? 'Cause, well, if you wanted to and your parents were okay with it maybe we could walk around some of the parks together, I mean, you know, me and my parents usually start the day together, but then my sister Jeannie wants to go on all the really stupid rides and they get tired of listening to me, uh, complain, or whatever, even though it's completely justified since--"

"Rodney. Breathe." John grins. "That sounds good to me. My parents are always trying to unload me, anyway."

"Oh. Okay, then." Obviously Rodney expected more resistance, or to be shot down unilaterally. "I'll, uh, give you the phone number for my hotel room when we're done."

"It's a date." And John knows he's being silly and probably smiling like a fool again, but it doesn't bother him in the slightest. He wishes, for the first time, that this vacation would last a bit longer.

Then the commercial break is over, and it's almost time to begin. John's entire body tenses and hums with anticipation.

Once more, Kirk begins his spiel. "Welcome back to Legends! Rodney and John have proven themselves worthy, and have now earned the right to enter Olmec's Temple. But before we get started, Olmec's gonna give them some information to help them retrieve the Magical Spear of Mneseus. Olmec?"

"YOU COULD START BY RUNNING UP THE STAIRS TO THE CRYPT. GRAB THE BOOK FROM THE SKELETON AND PASS INTO THE PIT OF THE PENDULUM. KNOCK OVER THE COLUMN, AND CLIMB INTO THE KING'S STOREROOM. SMASH THE CLAY POTS TO FIND THE KEY THAT WILL LEAD YOU INTO THE CHAMBER OF THE SACRED MARKERS. MATCH THE SYMBOL ON THE RIGHT WITH THE ONE ON THE LEFT, AND PASS INTO THE ROOM OF THE ANCIENT WARRIORS, WHERE YOU CAN GRAB THE MAGICAL SPEAR OF MNESEUS.

"PLACE YOURSELF IN THE CORRECT ARMOR AND OPEN THE DOOR TO THE SHRIIIIIIINE OF THE SILVER MONKEY. ASSEMBLE THE STATUE, AND YOU MAY BE HEADED TOWARD THE ROOM OF THE SECRET PASSWORD. FIND THE TABLET WITH THE CORRECT INSCRIPTION AND SHOUT IT OUT! TO OPEN THE DOOR TO THE PHAROH'S SECRET PASSAGE. SLIDE DOWN THE TUNNEL TO THE QUICKSAND BOG, WHERE YOU COULD SMASH THROUGH TO THE DARK FOREST. BUT BEWARE OF THE TEMPLE GUARDS THAT MAY INHABIT THE TREES!

"FIND THE KEY IN A TREE, AND YOU'LL ENTER THE JESTER'S COURT. PRESS YOURSELF AGAINST THE CORRECT WALL PAINTING AND YOU'LL GAIN ENTRY TO THE TOMB OF THE HEADLESS KINGS. PULL THE VINES TO RELEASE THEIR BONES AND ATTACH THE MISSING SKULL TO ITS PROPER KING. THEN, RACE THROUGH THE PIT, CLIMB THROUGH THE LEDGES, RACE DOWN THE STAIRS AND BACK THROUGH THE TEMPLE GATE.

"THE CHOICES ARE YOURS, AND YOURS ALONE. YOU WON ONE-AND-A-HALF PENDANTS IN THE TEMPLE GAMES. WHO'S GOING FIRST?"

"I am!" Rodney shouts.

"VERY WELL, RODNEY. WHEN KIRK GIVES THE SIGNAL, YOU'LL RACE THROUGH THE GATES INTO THE TEMPLE, AND MAKE YOUR WAY TOWARDS THE MAGICAL SPEAR.

"HIDDEN INSIDE THE TEMPLE ARE TEMPLE GUARDS ASSIGNED TO PROTECT THREE SPECIFIC ROOMS. YOU CAN TRADE YOUR PENDANT FOR AN EXTRA LIFE AND GO ON, BUT IF YOU ARE CAUGHT WITHOUT A PENDANT YOU WILL BE TAKEN OUT OF THE TEMPLE, AND IT WILL BE JOHN'S TURN TO ENTER AND TRY HIS LUCK.

"HIDDEN SOMEWHERE IN THE TEMPLE IS THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR PENDANT. IF YOU CAN FIND IT, AND YOU ARE CARRYING THE OTHER HALF, YOU GET AN EXTRA LIFE. IF YOU REACH THE SPEAR, ALL OF THE DOORS IN THE TEMPLE WILL INSTANTLY UNLOCK AND THE TEMPLE GUARDS WILL VANISH. RETURN THROUGH THE GATES WITH THE MAGICAL SPEAR OF MNESEUS IN UNDER THREE MINUTES, AND YOU WILL BOTH BE HANDSOMELY REWARDED. AND HERE'S HOW!"

"First," gushes the smarmy prize announcer over the speakers, "you get this all-terrain bicycle! HUFFY BLADES all-terrain bike, with an 18-speed index-shifting system, and new oversized mega-tube frame. For superior performance, HUFFY BLADES, by Huffy, America's first choice!

"Grab the Magical Spear in under three minutes and you'll also receive this CD-ROM Encyclopedia! The WORLD BOOK INFORMATION FINDER CD-ROM provides the complete text and tables from the World Book Encyclopedia plus a quarter of a million entries from the World Book dictionary! Available in DOS, Mac, or Windows."

Rodney scowls and mutters to himself, but John manages to pick up something along the lines of "Of course" and "Linux." And then, the radio announces the coup-de-grace:

"If you can bring the Magical Spear out of the Temple before the three minutes are up you'll both be going to Space Camp!"

"HOLY SHIT!" Rodney screams, and John bites back a laugh: that bit would surely be cut out of the aired episode.

"...from three exciting fields:" the advertisement continues, "Aviation, space, and robotics."

At "aviation," John is barely able to restrain himself from shouting like Rodney. Oh, they will _win this,_ there's no doubt about it.

"All right," Kirk says. "Let's see if the Orange Iguanas can successfully retrieve the Magical Spear of Mneseus! All right, Rodney, get in position. Olmec, will you lower your gate?"

The gate next to the giant head lowers into the ground as the head groans.

Kirk puts his hand on Rodney, who's standing braced to run at a moment's notice. "Let's put three minutes on the clock." Sweat drips from under John's plastic helmet. "On your mark... Get set... Go!"

Rodney takes off up the steps into the Temple, heading for the Crypt.

Kirk provides commentary. "All right! He's heading into the Crypt. He's got to pull the right book... Oh no, a Temple Guard! He trades in his pendant of life and goes on... All right, he's out of the Crypt, into the Pit of the Pendulum. He's got to knock over the column... Which opens the door to the Tomb of the Headless Kings!"

Rodney is a whirlwind, pulling four ropes at once, then grabbing the skull and jamming it quickly onto each of the skeletons, the second one lighting up and opening the door to the next room. It's obvious he's deeply familiar with how the Temple rooms work, which makes up for his slight lack of speed. John's cheering so loud now he can barely hear the host's commentary anymore. Rodney gets the door out of the Jester's Court open on his first try and heads into the Dark Forest, which John is a little embarrassed to admit, looks scary as hell. Rodney reaches his hand into one tree, then two, and--

"Oh, no, another Temple Guard!" exclaims Kirk.

John launches himself forward, blood pounding in his ears and completely blocking out the din of the crowd and the cheesy background music. He flies through the rooms Rodney's already gone through to the Dark Forest, where he charges right past the trees in favor of smashing through to the Quicksand Bog. Sitting on the bottom of the slide is the other half-pendant of life; he snatches it up and pulls himself up the ladder. John thinks he might hear Rodney somewhere, distantly, calling out his name in encouragement, but he can't focus on anything except the Temple.

In the Room of the Secret Password, he's unlucky: it's not until the third password that the door opens.

"HURRY!" he manages to hear Rodney scream through the pounding in his head.

The Shrine of the Silver Monkey is next, and Rodney warned him about this one when the aide explained it: "Grab all the pieces at once," he said, "and make sure the base is in properly first. Then, keep everything oriented correctly when you assemble it. If you get the torso upside-down, it could cost you upwards of 25 seconds."

John gets the first piece from the shelf when a Temple Guard bursts out of the wall, and he almost drops the statue, but quickly regains his composure once the guard leaves with his pendant. Putting the thing together is a lot easier than he anticipated; Rodney had probably exaggerated, anyway.

And then, the next door opens, and-- Spear! John all but dives for it, and the doors in front of him immediately slide open. He's completely lost track of time by now, doesn't know how much he's got left, so he sprints forward, pushing himself as hard as he can, muscles burning as he passes through the three rooms in front of him, out of the Temple, down the steps, where--

"Oh my _god!_ " Rodney shrieks through his mouth guard, bouncing frantically and throwing himself at John to grab him in a helmet-banging hug. "Holy crap!"

"Ten seconds left on the clock!" Kirk exclaims, sounding almost as excited. "They got it all! The bike, the encyclopedia, the trip to Space Camp!"

Rodney finally releases John from their initial embrace and the two of them continue jumping up and down with excitement, throwing each other wild high-fives and going in for repeated hugs, each grinning wider than they had the whole rest of the day.

"We're out of here! See you next time for another Legend of the Hidden Temple." Kirk raises his free hand and waves to the cameras. "Bye-bye!"

It takes a little while for Rodney and John to calm down enough for Kirk and the aides to speak to them.

"Oh, wow, _Space Camp._ " Rodney sounds a little dazed now. John can sympathize. "I mean, I'll bet most of the stuff they'll have us do will be totally pointless and not scientifically significant at all, but still, I, uh." He coughs, sounding guilty. "I still always kinda wanted to go."

"Don't worry," John says as they fall into step. "I won't think any less of you. Though I was going to ask you earlier: Nobel Prize?"

At which Rodney launches animatedly into his scientific history, including the working nuclear bomb he built for his school's science fair the previous year, and how he hopes to have at least three doctorates by the time he's twenty-five, and John smirks and makes teasing comments, and somewhere along the line hotel phone numbers are exchanged (both boys blushing wildly, this time) and plans are made for the following day.

Back in the studio, the lights go out on the big talking stone head, and the Legends staff calls it a night.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you may have noticed a particular moment in the story where you expected the phrase "Ferris wheel" but instead encountered "roller coaster." Don't worry: this was totally done on purpose, 'cause, y'know, people don't _really_ learn to appreciate Ferris wheels until after they've had the chance to make out on one. ~~Which is where the potential sequel comes in. I'm pretty sure there are Ferris wheels in Disney World, right?~~ [I later actually wrote this sequel]


End file.
